The House of Night goes Inbetween
by ParalightX
Summary: So i love this show called the Inbetweeners, it' on E4 or if you want to watch it- go to youtube type in 4od- comedy- The Inbetweeners. So really i've started to write each episode in Parts 1 & 2 with the House of Night characters. Read Review :


**New fanfiction! I thought i'd be awesome to do the inbetweeners but with the house of night characters. The Inbetweeners is on E4, and if you haven't watched it, i'd recommend you do- funny as hell but also rude, so if you're not into Rude language then don't read this :L**

**If you want to watch the Inbetweeners go to youtube and type in 4od, and then on that page click on commedy and scroll down to the Inbetweeners and pick season 1 episode 1**

**this fanfiction is Season 1 Episode 1 part 1- i will be uploading part 2 soon.**

**Enjoy, please review so i can see if it's worth to continue (: lemme know what you think  
plus you can read this without watching the show really (:**

_Hi, I'm zoey, and here is some things I hoped wouldn't happen in my life:  
__My father would leave my mother, I'd be taken out of private education and be forced to go to a normal school and where the school nutter would take a bit of a dislike to me, but they do say "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger except polio."  
__This is the story on how I made new friends.  
__But back to the present, to put you in the picture I've no friends, It's my first day and I'm in the headmaster's office for a welcome chat with the rest of the new kids __**or **__as they're otherwise known; the freaks.  
_"You could be friends with us," said the wide eyed with glasses creepy kid said, sitting next to Zoey.  
_Yep, everyone's going to think I'm one of them.  
__And in a well meaning but disastrous move, as a new kid I've got to wear a massive green badge.  
_Will held up a massive green badge saying:

My name is

**Zoey**

**Stop me**

and say

hello.

_At least I could discuss it with the head of sixth, Mr Kalona; he seemed like an intelligent man. _

"Mr Kalona, you seem like an intelligent man," Zoey said.

"Ah, I **seem **intelligent, how lovely of you to say," Mr Kalona said unfolding his arms and leaning closer to Zoey from across the table.

"No, I just meant-" Zoey tried to explain.

"No I've long since been insecure about my capacity of learning, so it's nice to have it ratified by you…a **child**," he spat.

"What I meant was do you think these badges that single us out as new kids are a good idea?" Zoey said with her voice creeping to a high pitch near the end of her sentence.

"Yes," Mr Kalona grunted, "if you have any more views on it, I suggest you join the school's debating society, obviously you'll have to start one first," he smirked than composed his serious face again.

The school bell rung.

_Oh, my mistake, he's a wanker. _

"Hello Jack, I'm Elizabeth," Elizabeth very posh and politely.

_And so began my first day. _

Zoey walked into her first class. She had her blazer on and a plain black briefcase- in which she got weird looks from.

"Is this 6b?" she asked posh-like to anyone who was listening.

"Yeah," said a half dead looking boy.

"Great, I'm Zoey," Zoey said enthusiastically at the fact someone spoke to her.

She excitedly walked up to the boy with her hand out, ready to shake his.

He glanced up at her and grunted and continued to read his magazine.

"Cool…." She said to herself, hoping no one saw.

"God I had a meeting with the head and his pet ape Kalona," she tried so hard to continue a conversation that was never going to happen, "WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?" she laughed hoping people would take notice at her trying to act "cool".

"What?" someone shouted out.

"That Kalona, WHAT A TOSSER!" Zoey giggled to herself, "I mean ohhh I'm Mr Kalona, I'm such a big huge massive freak and I just love to suck the headmaster's balls and then…" everyone had went silent and were looking directly pass Zoey.

"Is he behind me?" Zoey said in a quieter voice.

Zoey awkwardly turned around and found Mr Kalona looking at her, unimpressed.

"Did you hear any of that?" she blushed.

"Oh yes," Mr Kalona said sounding like the dog Churchill in those adverts.

"Can we start again?" Zoey asked innocently.

"As you can see from his natty badge, this is your new classmate Zoey, which you'll share most of your classes with Johnson, you'll be looking after her," Mr Kalona concluded.

"But sir that's not fair!" Johnson- whose first name was Stevie-Rae complained.

"This is more of sixth form, life is not fair," Mr Kalona glared at her.

"Sir!" She continued to squawk and complain about, "look at her blazer for starters and she's got an actual briefcase! Her shoes are clumpy, her hairs a bit gay!"

"Ohhh," Zoey said sarcastically.

"And that badge! I mean the badge hello!" Stevie-Rae squawked some more.

"GET USED TO IT!" Mr Kalona shouted.

The bell rang.

"Oh, one more thing," Mr Kalona started to say as people collected their things, "the first day of term drink down the black horse, this tradition is not only ridiculous but illegal- don't get excluded before you've even started."

"What's he talking about?" Zoey asked Stevie-Rae.

"Uh nothing," Stevie-Rae said keeping Zoey out.

"Is everyone going for a drink tonight?" she continued to pester.

"Um…no," Stevie-Rae lied badly, "I have to go this way."

"Ohhh I'm Zoey," a random girl said as she walked past her down the corridor.

"Thanks very much," Zoey said politely with an odd look on her face.

"Ohhh hello Zoey," another boy commented.

"Yes, very nice thank you," she continued to say.

"Nice badge dickhead," someone else commented.

"Lovely, fantastic, you must be what? Year eight?"

"Oh I'm Zoey and I've got a natter badge," someone else said.

"Briefcase Wanker!" someone shouted.

"That's a good insult, thanks mum," Zoey muttered to herself.

Zoey walked into the toilet and jumped as two girls ran out chasing each other.

_Truth be told, the first day nerves got to me and I went for what it turned out to be more eventful shits in my life._

"I'm just reeeally good at shagging now s'all I'm saying," Aphrodite said bursting through the door.

"Bollocks" said Stevie-Rae.

"So how do you do it best then?" asked Damien. Damien always looked up to Aphrodite who talked a lot of shit.

"Just- deep, try to get **really **deep, right up to the balls," Aphrodite said.

"And do you put the balls in?" asked Damien.

"What?" asked Aphrodite.

"I've heard you put they balls in really to make it work."

Zoey screwed her face up in disgust while taking a shit in the toilet at this moment.

"…yeah can do, but some boys like it some don't," Aphrodite quickly said acting like the sex guru.

"What?"

"Stop talking bullshit," said Stevie-Rae "who are these boys you've fucked then?"

Stevie-Rae seriously needed to do something about her fringe. Her blonde hair grew long but yet she had to gel up her fringe which made her look retarded and geeky.

"Look while you spend the summer stalking Dallas, I've been out porking loads of veg," Aphrodite smirked.

Zoey's face was still screwed up in disgust at this conversation she was listening to.

"One I'm not stalking Dallas, he's just a friend and two you've never fucked anyone nor have I, nor has Damien!"

"Shut up you dickhead!" Aphrodite shouted, with at this point Shaunee the bully walked in, "I've fucked loads of boys!"

Aphrodite quickly shut her mouth up as Shaunee walked in with her bitch Erin.

Stevie-Rae was taking a piss and so was Shaunee. She kept looking over at Shaunee, which irritated her, "What the fuck you looking at? You trying to look at my tits?" Shaunee shouted.

"Ha, good one," Stevie-Rae laughed off.

Shaunee turned around to look at Damien and Aphrodite, shouting, "FUCK OFF!"

Damien, Aphrodite and Stevie-Rae never gave it a second thought and zoomed out of the toilet.

_I was starting to wonder of what sort of place I had come to._

_And then I found out._

Erin peeked under the toilet cubicle to see Zoey taking a shit.

Erin signalled to Shaunee that someone was in the toilet, so they both went into the cubicle on either side of Zoey.

They both took their phones out, taking a picture of Zoey taking a shit.

Both laughing and using their cameras, Zoey shouted, "OI!" Trying to cover herself.

"Beautiful," Shaunee laughed.

"Come on guys!" Zoey shouted while panicking to try cover herself up.

Someone hung a poster on the wall, on it was:

HELLO!

I'M ZOEY

Then a picture of Zoey in the toilet

AND I'M DOING

A SHIT!

All was heard was basically the whole school laughing.

"You're gonna die here Zoey," a random boy threatened her in the corridor.

"Ok…" she said.

"That briefcase makes me wanna punch you," once of Shaunee's bitches said.

"Course it does."

"What a spastic bag."

"That's been pointed out already."

"You're shoes are well shit."

"Yep the shoes," Zoey mumbled, "Stevie-Rae!" She excitedly said when she got up to her.

"Awrite," Stevie-Rae said awkwardly, trying not to make it obvious she was talking to Zoey.

"How's it going?" Zoey asked.

"Well since about 5 minutes ago, yeah fine," she smiled.

"Great, I'm trying to find the common room, can you show me where it is?" she yapped in that annoying posh voice.

"Um…not really," she shook her head.

"Oh…" she said disappointed.

"Posh twat," a hot blonde said walking by.

"Uh- look it's this way," Stevie-Rae said pointing behind her, "but do me a favour and just hang back a bit yeah."

"Oh sure," Zoey smiled.

She stood there for about a minute- counting to herself on when it was ok to go.

She zoomed off as soon as it was ok to leave.

"Wanker," another girl sneered as she walked by.

Zoey sat with "the freaks" and tried to wave to Stevie-Rae who wasn't looking over.

_I still haven't managed to shake the fruits but it wasn't like I was aiming high, I just wanted to be friends with someone who didn't have a badge on. _

"I might not go to this thing tonight," Stevie-Rae moaned, "I'm pretty knackered."

"We've just had ten weeks off!" Damien said.

"Yeah but she's just spent ten weeks wanking three times a day, that's why she's knackered," Aphrodite grinned about making up more shit.

"Yeah, that's it, I've had two hundred and ten wanks and my vagina looks like squished jelly," Stevie-Rae said with her face screwed up.

"Her vagina looks like what?" Dallas laughed walking over to the sad lot.

"Dallas!" Stevie-Rae exclaimed abashed.

"Oh, it's just um nothing," Stevie-Rae lied. She fancied the pants off of Dallas.

"You coming to the pub tonight then?" Aphrodite asked, "I'll be there," she winked.

"Great, that's great," she said sarcastically and smiled. "Are you going Stevie-Rae?"

"Um, not sure," she screwed her face up, "I'm more into clubs than pubs."

"Yeah under age clubs," Aphrodite grinned, "She's just shitting herself that she won't get served."

"Nah it's not that."

"Come on, I'll buy you a drink," Dallas said, "Can you do me a favour though?"

"Sure anything," Stevie-Rae gazed at him.

"Kay well you know what my mum's like, she'll freak if she hears I've been anywhere near a pub so don't mention it to your folks, yeah?"  
"Sure…" Stevie-Rae answered.

"Thanks Stevie-Rae," Dallas smiled, "oh, do you wear perfume now?"

"Oh, just links," she said while Dallas came closer to her to smell while Stevie-Rae got a glimpse of his cock as his flyer was unzipped.

"Huh, it's nice, you coming to social?"

"Um, nah I'm good here," she replied bluntly and gobsmacked at the view she caught.

"Uh ok, well I'll see you later then," Dallas smiled and walked off.

"ARE YOU MENTAL? He's so fit, why didn't you just walk to class with him?" shouted Aphrodite.

"Just don't feel like it," Stevie-Rae said innocently.

"Aw, what's wrong?" Aphrodite put on a fake pretending-to-care voice, "did you get hard on to pretty boys who spoke to you."

"Can you fuck off," Stevie-Rae not as a request but as a demand.

"Hang on; you haven't actually got a stalk on you?" Aphrodite smirked.

"Oh my god she's got a wetty!" Aphrodite shouted and laughed.

"Aphrodite please," Stevie-Rae hissed through her teeth while clutching her crotch area.

"OI EVERYONE! STEVIE-RAE'S GOT A WETTY!" Aphrodite shouted.

Everyone in the common room laughed while Stevie-Rae went bright red.

They all ran up to take a look at her wet patch, while she panicked.

_So I was left with a choice; stick with the freaks or try to make friends with a boy who they now called Wetty._

"Are you coming to Social Stevie-Rae?" Zoey asked while trying to get through the crowd that crowded over Stevie-Rae.

Stevie-Rae's face twisted with torment.

"Oh, I'll save you a seat then," Zoey concluded.

"THANKS!" Stevie-Rae shouted over the crowd.

_There you go; I suppose beggars can't be choosers._

_And so my quest to make friends went not worse, but certainly not better. It was if I had some kind of contagious disease._

Zoey sat down with her lunch at a busy looking table, but unfortunately for her, everyone left.

_And to be seen with me was a form of social death, which it is, but I'm amazed they worked it out so quickly. But it wouldn't stop me! Anyone could be your friend; you just had to hang around them long enough. _

"Oh, don't look left Stevie-Rae, there's a boy in shorts you might spunk in your pants," Aphrodite laughed along with Damien.

"Yeah very good," Stevie-Rae said.

"Hi Stevie-Rae," Zoey ran to his side.

"Awrite, this is Zoey," Stevie-Rae introduced her.

"Nice to meet you," Zoey said politely.

"Oh briefcase," Aphrodite pointed out.

"Yeah, briefcase," Damien laughed like the retard he was.

"Yes it's a briefcase," Zoey said not amused.

"Ohhhh, briefcase," Aphrodite and Damien said at the same time in a high voice while laughing their heads off.

"Right, these are your friends?" Zoey asked Stevie-Rae.

"Where you going tonight then?" Aphrodite asked Damien.

"The black Bull, it's just out on the London Road," Damien replied.

"Oh! Is this the drink thing?" Zoey asked excitedly, "what time?"

"You can get there for whatever time you like," Aphrodite scoffed, "you're going on your own."

"Oh…I just thought we could all-"

"Nah you thought wrong," Aphrodite said.

"Shit what happens if we don't get served?" Stevie-Rae panicked, "Cos Dallas will think I'm such a loser!"

"Shit you're right," Aphrodite said sarcastically.

"She might not get served," Stevie-Rae inputted.

"Boys always get served, as soon as they get cocks they get served," Stevie-Rae said miserably, "fit boys like him always get served."

"Well I'm gonna get served," Aphrodite smirked.

"And how do you know that?" Stevie-Rae asked.

"I got fake I.D innit," she grinned, "I got a driving license that says I'm 18 years old."

"But you're not 18," Damien said confused.

"Yeah that's right, it's a fake I.D," Aphrodite shook her head at his retardness.

"Oh no," Zoey sulked.

"Is that your mum?" Aphrodite exclaimed. Zoey's mum was one hot babe.

"I told mum not to come and pick me up," Zoey said as her mum smiled at her from the car.

"She's fit," Damien grinned.

"Yeah I'd fuck her," Aphrodite grinned nodding her head. Basically she'd go bisexual for Zoey's mum.

"Thanks…very much," Zoey said speechless.

"But I would though, wouldn't you?" Aphrodite asked.

"Hmmm, well if she's my mum, **no**," Zoey disagreed in her posh accent.

"But if she wasn't," Aphrodite said.

"But she is though so…"

"But what she's saying is if she wasn't your mum, would you fuck her?" Stevie-Rae asked.

"Oh so we're doing this," Zoey asked.

"So you would fuck her," Damien smiled.

"No."

"But if you got down and opened her legs, spread them-" Aphrodite started to say.

"Look can we please stop talking about my mother's vagina!" Zoey shouted.

All three of them giggled at her like baboons.

"Maybe see you tonight," she blushed and walked off.

"But you're not invited," Aphrodite said.

"Unless you bring your mum!" Damien grinned.

"Did you **have **to pick me up?" Zoey moaned to her mum in the car.

"I just wanted to hear about your first day," she squealed excitedly.

She gasped, "I like your badge!"

"Why'd you tell them I got bullied in Largston?" Zoey moaned.

"I thought you were?"

"No, I wasn't, I got wedgied a couple of times but that was just a fad," Zoey argued.

"Oh, they wanted a reason and that's what sprang to mind," her mum apologized sort of.

"Instead of I can't afford the school fees anymore," Zoey sulked.

"Yes."

"I'm going to the pub tonight," Zoey informed.

"With who?" asked her mum- Neferet.

"Just some friends."

"**Friends**," she said amazed, "already?"

"YES I have friends already," she sulked even more at her mother's gasp of surprise.

"Well just make sure these so called friends, aren't just making fun of you," Neferet warned her like a protective mother.

"Why would they be doing that?" Zoey asked in an innocent tone.

"I don't want you to be getting bullied again," she said in her heavy English accent.

"I was not bullied!" Zoey squawked ten octaves higher.

Silence.

"Can I borrow twenty quid?" Zoey asked.

Neferet sighed but had the look on her face that she would lend him the money.

_For all the new sixth formers, this would be a massive night, it wouldn't just be the drink, this was an opportunity or re-invent yourself; a chance for a new start. _

"And I've told you money's tight…" Damien's dad- Loren said.

"Do you want me to be called pikey by my mates," Damien squawked back.

"Do ya?"

Loren looked guilty.

"Aphrodite, got your dinna," Aphrodite's mum Lenobia said.

Aphrodite panicked as she was looking at her copy of a porn magazine.

"DON'T COME IN! DON'T COME IN!" Aphrodite shouted while putting her porn mag under her bed.

"Awrite, I won't come in," Lenobia scoffed sarcastically.

"Mum can I borrow twenty quid?" Aphrodite asked.

"Here's ten pounds, just promise me you won't spend it on the fruit machines," Loren said handing Damien a ten pound note. Everyone said that Damien's dad- Loren- was bent.

"Aw I can't do that I'm afraid," Damien apologized, "BYE."

_Of course it turned out we couldn't re-invent ourselves with our parents noticing._

"That's a lot of gel you've got in your hair," Stevie-Rae's mum- Anastasia- commented, "It smells quite strongly too."

"Why are you telling this to me now?" Stevie-Rae shouted.

"I'm just mentioning it; I can see you've got a lot in that's all."

"I can't wash it out now can I? I've not got time, **god** I dunno why you are like this sometimes!" Stevie-Rae raged and walked out, slamming the door.

Less than thirty seconds later Stevie-Rae opened the door and popped her head round asking innocently, "can I borrow twenty quid?"

_And by borrow we meant lend and never give back. Next stop, the pub. _


End file.
